Sign In Now ► or Create A New Account ►
1 comments
0 comments
Rank This Matchup or Comment/Reply Below
on 10/11/2010
From http://www.cinema4pylon.blogspot.com: Back in the '80s, such was the impact of the original Alien upon myself and a few of my friends that we ended up seeing just about any knockoff of that film that hit our local screens. William Malone's Creature certainly fit the mold of Alien ripoff, making absolutely no bones about doing so, and it was thus that we ended up seeing it one night. Despite the fact that it hasn't an ounce of originality in its making, Creature became a part of the lexicon of our little group thanks to our then infatuation with Wendy Schaal, an infatuation we didn't really know we had until we saw this film. During moments of duress when it seemed her character was in imminent danger, a particular one of my pals would blurt out "Don't die, I love you!" This became her nickname, and anytime we saw her in a film after that (she appeared in Joe Dante flicks like The 'Burbs (nice flowerbed booty scene) and Innerspace, as well as in *batteries not included) someone would not quite recognize her and invariably say "Who's that?," and then one of us (often me) would go "That's "Don't Die, I Love You!"" (See is now the mom's voice on American Dad!, but I have never seen that show.) Oh, yeah... the reason I wanted to see the film, Klaus Kinski, takes a while to show up in it, and he doesn't really help matters all that much quality-wise. It's slightly better than its pedigree might betray, but it is definitely not much more than a rote programmer, and I could mention a couple of Alien ripoffs I would much prefer to see, if only because their cheese factor is higher and more entertaining. Still, it's a far cry above Uwe Boll's execrable Alone in the Dark. I have never played any of the video games on this film is supposedly based, but then I have never read War and Peace either, and I have seen two different film versions of that book. So it matters little to me whether it sticks close to its source material (a contention from which a lot of the bile directed at the film seems to be derived) or not. The question is "How bad is this film?" and the answer is a resounding "Immeasurably so..." You thought Denise Richards as a nuclear scientist couldn't be topped in the Department of Improbable Career Options for a Character Played by a Modestly Talented Hollywood Bimbette? Try on Tara Reid as an archaeologist. Want to see how deeply boring a film filled with "action" sequences can be? Welcome to the Uwe Boll Morass, where even the scenes not filmed in slow motion feel like even slower motion. There is not a single step in this film that veers anywhere close to someone saying "Well, that wasn't too bad" and all Alone in the Dark does is make me want to buy Boll a blow-up doll and a flashlight, so at least something can shed even the slightest bit of light to him on something he is doing.
